My Heroes Diatribe

So here is what I would do if I had superpowers: I'd not be a whiny bitch about it. Seriously, if I could fly, I would think, "Awesome, I can fly.." and not be so concerned with my domineering mother or the election. Oh, I didn't get in to office? Well, I can still FUCKING FLY! And here's the guy that can steal other people's powers, without even needing to cut their heads off, and instead of thinking how cool that is, or what a useful, purposeful human being he can be, he's all pouting about his girlfriend, who used to be some other guy's girlfriend, who then got shot, which is kind of his fault. Oh boo fucking hoo, move on. And it's really comforting to know that a girl's daddy issues increase with her superpowers. "Hi, I can heal. Watch this! But I'm worried about my father's motives, which I cannot possibly fathom and which I will not try to communicate with him about. So instead of fostering a healthy relationship by trusting that he has my best interests at heart, I better flip the hell out about it and cause a bunch of problems by being a teenager. But it's okay, because when I grow up, I'm going to turn in to Elle, Queen of the fucking Daddy issue princesses." Sorry, I'd just be spending more time skateboarding, skydiving, base jumping, mountain climbing, and acting out my favorite moments from the best Tomb Raider games if I could heal myself. I'm really glad I don't have superpowers, because the only way I would be having any fun with it is if I were kind of psycho. A normal, well adjusted person can't have super powers, and god forbid you think they're kind of neat, because then your next step is cutting the tops of people's heads off or listening to rap music. You know what else? If I did have a super power, It would probably be something lame like melty-thing power.

It is enough to make you want to wear eyeliner and listen to the cure.