-I would rather staple my hand to a wall than watch 'The English Patient' (ever, EVER again).
-I would rather do mandated community service than watch 'The English Patent' (ever, EVER again).
-I would rather eat maggots than watch 'The English Patient' (ever, EVER again).
-I would rather donate my body to science (while I am still ALIVE) than watch 'The English Patient' (ever, EVER again).
-I would rather have the top of my head cut off so some psycho killer could interact with my gray matter than watch 'The English Patient' (ever, EVER again).
-I would rather be a human lightning rod than watch 'The English Patient' (ever, EVER again).
-I would rather gouge my own eyes out with a spork than watch 'The English Patient' (ever, EVER again).
-I would rather work for Tyra Banks than watch 'The English Patient' (ever, EVER again).
-I would rather be thrown off of a moving train than watch 'The English Patient' (ever, EVER again).
-I would rather actually die in the desert, abandoned by my love, than watch 'The English Patient' (ever, EVER again).
-In a strange, time-space warping twist, I think I would rather watch 'The English Patient' than have to watch 'The English Patient' (ever, EVER again).
Fuck that movie.
